Do You Love Me?

Ever wondered how good are we at expressing our love? Have you ever felt that no one actually loves you? Or is it because of our reluctance; we were unable to hear the word "love you" uttered in different forms?

I came across an article written by Marjorie Shearer dated November 1964 in Reader's Digest.

She showed me how actually love can be shown/uttered indirectly by people we love, until we sometimes miss out the opportunity to understand them. Or in other word we were DEAF...

You've Got to Listen

The following dialogue occurs in a play, The Curious Savage, by John Patrick:

Mrs. Savage: What's the matter, Fairy May?

Fairy: Nothing. It's just that no one has said they loved me this livelong day.

Mrs. Savage: I heard Florence say it at the dinner table.

Fairy: Did she?

Mrs. Savage: She said, "Don't eat too fast."

Sometimes we are timid about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person- or ourselves- we hesitate to say the actual words, "I love you." So we try to communicate the idea in other ways: "Take care" or "Don't drive too fast." As the perspective Mrs. Savage points out, such remarks carry a message of love: "You are important to me. I care what happens to you. I don't want you to get hurt."

But one has to listen for love. When a father tells his son to drive carefully, the son may think his dad implies that he hasn't sense enough to drive carefully. Instead of love, resentment flares, and both are bruised in the exchange.

Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and warmth than sentiments expressed insincerely. A friendly grin and hand extended are sacramental in nature; outward and visible signs of inward, spiritual grace. An impulsive hug says, "I love you," even though the words may come out, "You old billygoat."

Any expression of a person's concern for another says, "I love you." Sometimes the expression is clumsy. Sometimes we must look and listen very hard for the love it contains. At such times, when we listen intently, we are unconsciously expressing our own love, our concern for the other person. "The first duty of love is to listen," says the theologian Paul Tillich.

We say, "I love you," in many ways: with valentines (Celebration prohibited for Muslims) and birthday gifts, with smiles and tears, with poems and cups or custard (or cupcakes maybe, hihi...); sometimes by keeping our mouth shut, other times by speaking out, even brusquely (meaning: directly); sometimes by gentleness, by listening, by thoughtfulness, by impulsiveness. Frequently we must love by forgiving someone who has not listened for the love we tried to express to him (or her).

The hardest thing we may have to do is to allow ourselves to receive love. Most of us want to choose whom we shall love, whom we shall allow to love us. (Very interesting idea, the sentences gave great meaning to me). This is a part of our conceit (Meaning: pride).

Can conceit say, "I love you," and mean it?

We know, though, as human beings, that we are all of these things: sometimes boastful, conceited, rude, often selfish. And when we are held in such bonds, we are not free to love.

We communicate "I love you" only when these bonds are burst, perhaps merely moment, and we feel more concern for someone else than for ourselves. Then the patience and kindness of love, the warmth and hope and joy of love, can be expressed through such weak people as we know ourselves to be.

The text has been edited to suit the culture of Malaysia